Protecting Your Papaya in Bogotá

The origin of the idiom is a mystery, but ‘papaya’ is a hot commodity in Colombia © Pexels / Picmambacom

Colombia is dangerous. And Bogotá even more so than most places. Every guidebook, travel article and blog post warns you against walking alone at night or venturing into certain neighbourhoods. The expression you'll hear all the time in here is 'No dar papaya' or 'Don't give papaya', colloquially meaning don't show anything valuable when you're out in public. For those of us who already look fabulous without wearing loads of expensive jewellery, this primarily means don't take out your phone.

When we first arrived in town our host both taught us this expression and warned us that there were certain 'frontiers' all around the city that were basically no go areas. However, having travelling to various active war zones, failed states and impoverished developing world countries - not to mention some of the worst so-called 'no go zones' in Scandinavia - we weren't sure exactly how serious to take the situation here. Well, turns out it should be taken pretty seriously.

That small neon green splotch to the right is the police officer who would shortly be warning us that despite all the colourful buildings and glorious sunny weather, nothing but misery and danger was awaiting us up there in Egipto © TravellingCurmudgeon.com

On our first full day walking around alone we strayed into two of the most infamous of these 'frontier' areas - the Egipto barrio and Las Cruces. In the first, a helpful police officer made it clear that this was not a place to wander, regardless of how welcoming it may look on a beautiful sunny day. Upon entering Las Cruces, we were aware it was a place we'd been warned not to go (Carrera 6 being the official unofficial 'frontier'), but the streets were full of people, there were multiple freshly painted churches visible several blocks away and, again, it was the same beautiful sunny day.

The only visual clue that things were sketchy was the increase in barred windows and doors of street level shops, so that by the time we got to Carrera 2 basically no storefront allowed customers to actually go inside. That's when we spotted an incredible graffiti, and very carefully and very quickly took a photo with our phone. At which point a helpful motorcycle mechanic told us in no uncertain terms that it was time for us to get the fuck out of there. No translation needed.

This was the graffiti we whipped out our papaya to take a photo of in the infamous Las Cruces. In hindsight, not the best idea or, quite frankly, the best graffiti, but it will always be one of our favourites, since we're hopelessly sentimental © TravellingCurmudgeon.com

Some two weeks and around 200km of walking all around the city later, we were discussing whether or not the various guidebooks, travel articles, blog posts and locals might be exaggerating the level of danger in Bogotá, when the person we were having the discussion with (a student from Mexico) casually mentioned the fact that she'd been robbed at knifepoint by a guy on a moped her second week in town, approximately 50 metres from our front door (and just steps from a bunch of soldiers guarding a military hospital, who did absolutely nothing). Well, at least that discussion was definitively settled then.

So it's with this background knowledge that we've spent an unhealthy amount of our time walking the streets, gauging who looks like a threat and who doesn't. When it comes to the former, finding nice neat categories beyond 'looks like a criminal' and 'neck tattoos' is not easy. However, there are thankfully quite a few categories of people who are almost certainly not going to take your papaya at gun or knifepoint, so without any further adieu, let's take a look at them….

Yeah, we probably could have added “Guys who wear short shorts" to the list, but you don't see so many of them © TravellingCurmudgeon.com

Anyone who's a woman

Let's be honest, virtually all violence and violent crime (not to mention war, terrorism, environmental destruction, bestiality, etc) that takes place in the world is perpetrated by men. Men are generally trash, and the world would be a better place if we could figure out a way to pull off some kind of reverse Handmaid's Tale society. But we digress. The point is, you're not going to get robbed on the street by a woman, in Bogotá or anywhere else.

Anyone who's with a woman over the age of 30

For the same reasons outlined above, we refuse to a believe that any mature, adult woman would be cavorting with someone who robs people professionally, and definitely not while he's about to engage in armed robbery.

Wow. These dumb motherfuckers are really just asking for trouble, and probably deserve whatever is coming to them © TravellingCurmudgeon.com

Anyone who obviously works a job in manual labor

Rubber boots, paint splattered clothes, street cleaner uniform. If you see any of these there's no need to worry that the person approaching you might pull out a gun, slam you against the wall and demand your phone and money. They're exhausted from work and just want to go home or enjoy the short break they're on.

Anyone who obviously works in customer service

Harder to spot than manual labourers - a polo shirt with the logo of a fast food restaurant or mobile operator is about all the visual clue you're going to get - but a similar principle applies. Anyone who has to spend all day ostensibly being nice to people for minimum pay, most likely isn't capable of violent crime, or they would have already been fired for assaulting a customer.

This guy on his break from his shitty job dealing with insufferable people all day is definitely not someone you need to worry about © TravellingCurmudgeon.com

Anyone who's double masked

Virtually everyone here wears a mask on the streets even though it's not legally required, so a mask doesn't really say anything about a person's character or intentions. We wear a mask just to blend in with the crowds. But if you see someone with a double mask, it's a clear sign they're no threat. No one who takes their health and the pandemic that seriously is going to whip out a gun and rob you.

Anyone wearing skinny jeans

There's just something incredibly unthreatening about a guy in skinny jeans. How are these even still a thing? It's been like 10 years now.

If ever there were a city in desperate need of a real life version of this guy, it's Bogotá (just to be clear, we're talking about Batman, not the slouchy fellow on the left) © TravellingCurmudgeon.com

Anyone who is (openly) gay

Bogotá has a fairly large gay community, with the nightlife scene concentrated in the neighbourhood of Chapinero. Sure, they might pretend to be interested in you only until someone more attractive saunters into the bar, or sneak out in the morning without saying goodbye or leaving their number, but robbing you in the street just doesn't fit the lifestyle.

Anyone on a moped with a delivery service backpack

As evidenced by the single anecdote above, mopeds are the number one thing to be extra vigilant of. But much like people who work in manual labour and customer service, anyone who's making deliveries for terrible pay, almost certainly doesn't have the time to spare to rob you.

Don't worry, despite all the chains and leather and spikes and power chords, these punks are definitely no threat to you or your papaya in Bogotá © TravellingCurmudgeon.com

Anyone who looks like an active participant in most major global subcultures

Metalheads, goths, bikers, hippies, emos (if there are any, there has to be at least a few around here, right?), Rastafarians, steampunks, regular punks, even skateboarders and most definitely hipsters - none of them are going to smash you over the head with a pipe and empty out your pockets.

Anyone carrying an umbrella

We just can't picture someone about to head out for a day of armed robbery pausing before leaving, peaking his head out the window to gauge whether those dark clouds might dump some precipitation, and then grabbing an umbrella just to be on the safe side.

Anyone walking a dog

The distinction here between just having a dog with you outside and actively walking one is important. There can be dodgy dudes with dodgy dogs, but if they're out for exercise and a shit then they're almost certainly no threat. If they've got a bag ready for collecting canine excrement, then there's zero chance they're eyeing your papaya.

A hipster? With glasses? Walking a dog? With a woman over 30? Well, fuck. In hindsight we probably should have crossed the road and robbed this Colombian Where's Waldo. Oh well, next time…. © TravellingCurmudgeon.com

Anyone wearing glasses

This one we ruminated on for a while. But after a few weeks of paying extra attention to every man we saw wearing glasses, none of them appeared to be threatening in the least. There must be something about being a violent criminal that keeps one's eyesight perfect.

Anyone on a moped with a GoPro on the helmet

Again, mopeds should always get extra attention when you're on the streets of Bogotá, but if you notice a camera on top of the rider's helmet you can breathe easy. Unless of course he's part of a larger criminal syndicate, and is making a training video for a new class of young thieves that is coming up through the robbery academy.

The makeshift indigenous ‘refugee’ camp at Parque Nacional in central Bogotá is just as heartbreaking as it looks and sounds © TravellingCurmudgeon.com

Indigenous people

This is another one we deliberated about, and quite honestly don't know enough about Colombia or Bogotá to make this call with any authority, but from what we've seen the only threat indigenous people pose is making you tear up in public at the injustice of their plight.

Homeless people who are totally beyond all hope

Any homeless person you can smell from more than 5 to 6 metres away is not a threat to rob you. If they were going to resort to robbery, they would have already done so, and not ended up in their current predicament.