Ticking off Panamá's most famous sight before even landing

Last year around this time I abandoned a bunch of kittens and cats in Dahab, Egypt and then a few hours later passed under the Suez Canal on the way to my next destination.

This year I abandoned a Cuban family in Havana and then a few hours later passed over the Panama Canal on the way to my next destination.

An eerie coincidence I only realised while taking this photo....

Another great first impression

Panamá makes an incredible first impression: Super green and lush, a plane full of Cubans erupting in applause and cheers on touchdown (see current story), painless immigration, esim working immediately, $9 Uber from the airport with a driver who doubles as a tour guide, roads without any potholes, a causeway with panoramic views of the old town and modern skyline, dodgy looking neighbourhoods that look fun to explore and getting a room upgrade from a depressing windowless box to a top floor seaview after complaining to the unfriendly looking lady at reception who turned out to have a heart of gold.

Already regret that Wingo made me book an onward flight and I thus can't extend my stay....

A penthouse seaview (technically)

Not all (sea)views are created equally, but the difference between this one and the dark ventilation shaft view (with florescent light) I had in the first room the hotel tried to give me is greater than it would be moving from this one to the penthouse in either of those towers. Which makes this the single greatest upgrade I've ever had.

Everything is relative...

Swampy Dubai™

While Panama made a great first impression, I've also been describing it to people as Swampy Dubai™ - both in the literal and figurative sense. And since I consider Dubai to be one of the very worst places in the entire world, this moniker is most definitely not a compliment.

Did you know that Panama City has the third-most skyscrapers of any city in the Western Hemisphere, bested only by New York and Chicago? And did you know that almost the entirety of Panama City's modern skyline exists solely so rich psychopaths (ie all those Panama Papers people) and drug cartels can launder their money?

Both of those facts are true, although the latter might be a slight exaggeration. But only a slight one. Swampy, swampy, swampy....

Red, white and blue

Palacio Municipal on the main square of Panama City's historic Casco Viejo district last night. Lit up in red, white and blue like the flag of Panama, although technically it could be for any of the 29 countries that have that colour scheme.

That's right Liberia, there's a non-zero possibility that this was all for you! Or maybe it was your night to shine, Laos! Guess we'll never know for certain....

Familiar faces in unfortunately positioned places

Although to be totally honest, given the current waste management in Havana (or lack thereof), having a fetid pile of garbage on this particular corner is somehow sadly, ironically fitting....

Ancon Hill

Another shot of Panama City's skyline, this time from the top of Ancon Hill. A very easy, albeit still very sweaty, 45 minute or so hike from downtown, along a route which strangely takes you past some some ministries, rich folks mansions and a couple security checkpoints.

There surprisingly weren't even any informal vendors selling water and whatnot at the top, but God bless the super friendly gentleman who had a cart full of ice cream popsicles on the way back down.

On a totally unrelated note, you can tell that an ice cream popsicle is made from real coconut if it leaves a noticeable grease stain when it drips on your shorts....

Iron Mike v Hands of Stone

Not planning to need the services of a barber whilst in Panama, but if I did, this place would be on the short list based on the its choice of street art alone....

NB: Even if you're not a boxing fan, you still most likely know Mike Tyson. The other guy is Roberto Duran, who's not only Panamanian, but from the (formerly?) dodgy neighbourhood just down the street from this barbershop, El Chorrillo.

Reflections of Casco Viejo

Night time in Casco Viejo again. Unfortunately, I couldn't crouch any lower to get a better reflection in this puddle. For one reason, geometry. Plus I was in the road and there were cars coming the other direction, and my impression of Panamanian drivers is that they'll run you over without thinking twice about it....

Authentic Istanbul Vibes

I could stay in Panama City for another month (or another year for that matter) and never take a better photo than this one. But what makes it even better is the fact that this is the window of a restaurant called Estambul.

I'm not sure about the food, but the ambience seems to be 110% authentic....

Precio de los huevos en Panamá

The current price of eggs in Panama is $1.93 a dozen, just in case anyone was curious....

Keep your eyes on the road!

You can't really see it clearly, but that relatively tiny message board in the middle there cycles through driving precautions, including don't use your phone while on the road.

My Spanish still isn't great, but as far as I could tell nothing was mentioned about keeping your eyes off the giant flashing advertisements that literally only exist to distract you while driving. Strange....

NB: Also of note here is that what is probably Panama's most famous building (‘The Screw') has its top emblazoned on all sides with the brand name of a cheap Danish jewelry brand. Not exactly screaming prestige. And McDonald's in Panama are currently having a special offer on Grimace shakes, which if I remember correctly are like $3 - get em quick, before muppet welfare* shuts it all down!

*Just joking! Muppet welfare was obviously one of the first federal agencies shuttered by DOGE.

The peculiar economics of a money laundering based economy

When your city's endless skyline was built solely to launder money, you're gonna have quite some office space available. Strange how that works....

Panamá remembers

Do you remember all the imperialist wars the belligerent US military has initiated in order to protect its global hegemony and the interests of a handful of oligarchs and multinational corporations?

Even with its famously mighty hippocampus, Pepperidge Farms might still be drawing a blank on this one. But Panamá sure remembers. It's probably hard to forget when you're on the list....

NB: The list is obviously incomplete, and also doesn't include the various coups, assassinations and other nasty business we've carried out over the past century. But kudos to the artists for at least trying.

An accidental stewed beef breakfast

Panama is full of these cheap buffet-style restaurants and food stalls where they'll load up your plate for a few bucks.

This one is carne guisada (stewed beef strips) with lentils and fried plantains (which I always save for dessert, since they're caramelized) on a generous heap of rice.

It was delicious of course, but since I kind of ordered it by accident (oops!) at 10am after ‘hiking’ up and down that hill overlooking the city, it took some time to finish....

A veritable who's who of Yankee fast food

It's always strange when you come across one of these bad boys in the wild in Latin America, where people should really know better.

What's even more depressing is that this strip mall on Via España - adjacent to the Hotel Panama, one of the city's more famous hotels - is a veritable who's who of Yankee fast food: Domino's Pizza, McDonald's, Wendy's, Subway, this Taco Bell and even a Carl friggin’ Jr's, plus a couple of Colombian outlets of similar ilk.

By the time I got to the end of this block of shame, my neck was sore from demonstratively shaking my head in disapproval.

Then of course I saw the sign on Subway's window for their new carne chimichurri and hypocritically thought, ‘Hmmm, that looks pretty damn tasty, I could really go for one of those right now'.

Those marketing bastards really know what they're doing....

Christ the Redeemer at home

I wanna go to Brasil to see Christ the Redeemer!

But we've got Christ the Redeemer at home!

Christ the Redeemer at home:

NB: Colón is the notoriously dodgy city at the Atlantic end of the Panama Canal, and this Christ the Redeemer is the star attraction of their main waterfront public space, which is called The Park of Youthfulness - at least of Google Maps is to be believed. I didn't notice any signs in person.

Shelter from the storm

When you go all the way across Panama (all 70km of it) to check out the infamously dodgy city of Colón, only to have it start pouring rain about 15 mins after you arrive.

At least there was a cafe to run to and take shelter in till the storm passed, and Musa (the Egyptian guy who owns the place) makes a fine espresso - plus serves it in clear glasses, which is the only way it should ever be served.

The place is called Makanak and is opposite the Christ the Redeemer statue if you find yourself in need of shelter and/or a fine espresso (served in a clear glass) next time you're in Colón....

Parque Centenario

After a solid hour or so spent in the friendly confines of Musa's waterfront cafe, the rain let up enough for me to get out and explore Colón a bit before having to catch a bus back to the capital…

Familiar faces in unexpected places

Jesús wasn't the only familiar face I spotted on a rainy day in Colón....

Diablo Rojos

From Wikipedia:

"Diablos Rojos first arrived in Panama around the 1960s as second-hand buses from the United States and served as a means of cheap transportation around the Panama Canal. When they arrived, they were typical yellow Bluebird and International school buses fitted with green leather seats inside. Once rail street cars (transvía) were completely phased out in 1940, private buses soon became Panama's main mode of transportation."

Blurry line between dystopian and hypnotic

One more shot from Colón. I put this firmly in the 'It's so ugly, it's beautiful' category, but can totally see why others might not be so generous in their aesthetic assessments. I found it almost hypnotic though, and spent a few minutes gazing up at it despite the rain…

Here comes the sun

And here's one more (likely) last shot from Colón - to 'refresh your good vibes' and opinion about the city. I don't want everyone thinking it was all dark clouds, decrepit apartment blocks and idolizing infamous Colombian drug lords. There was also some sunshine!

Old Milwaukee

Not a cerveza I expected to see in the back of a musty old Chinese mini super in Panama. A serendipitous find though, as it feels like there might be a trip to the land of Laverne and Shirley in my not too distant future....

I am a superhero

"You are a superhero."

A little motivational affirmation to start your weekend, courtesy of the walls of Casco Viejo....

Too little, too late

Anytime you see a sign like this anywhere in the world, you can rest assured that the gentrification in that particular city or neighbourhood is well on its way and most definitely will not be stopped - at least not barring some seismic change in the local power structures.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, poor folks who currently live on the gentrification line in Casco Viejo, but don't shoot the messenger. Seriously, please don't. My Uber driver warned me that you were armed....

Baha’i Faith Continental House of Worship

I still don't totally understand what the Baha’i Faith is, but their temple - or continental House of Worship, one of only eight the world - perched up on a hilltop on the outskirts of Panama City has great views (even on a hazy, rainy day), a super peaceful atmosphere, some beautiful foliage and a handful of friendly folks milling about. Definitely worth the long metro ride and short hike to get there....

Sunday morning in Panamá City

The neighbourhood these were taken in is notoriously full of super seedy bars and nightclubs that are open around the clock.

Junk in the trunk

Is it just me, or has the Panamanian pedestrian crossing figure really been hitting the glutes at the gym lately? Looks like the pole is even starting to tilt backwards from the added weight....

NB: The irony of seeing this well-endowed crosswalk figure in Panamá is that the size of local derrières seemed more or less normal, whereas I'd just spent five months in Cuba, an island where it wasn't uncommon to see a truly gravity-defying buttocks pass by that would literally make everyone in the street - men, women, children, streets dogs, pigeons - turn their heads to appreciate it.

Honoring Gandhi?

It's cool that Panama City put up a statue of Gandhi, but slapping it in what's essentially a big traffic island, underneath an elevated freeway in a sketchy part of town almost makes you wonder if they were doing it as an homage, or an underhanded insult....