Searching for eternal youth
Zoning Rant
If you care at all about quality of life, landing in any major US city is an inherently depressing experience thanks to the inevitable sight of hideous, inefficient, economically insane, soul-crushing urban sprawl as far as the eye can see.
Contrast that with Europe, where even if your flight path takes you over the two countries with the continent's highest population densities* this is what it looks like. Idyllic. As. Fuck.
If you're American and aren't already aware of how zoning laws and car-centric urban planning are root causes of much of the societal rot in our country, do yourself a favour and look into it. It won't make you any happier or more hopeful, but it will give you a deeper, clearer understanding of why things are so crap!
[Rant over]
*Netherlands and Belgium, which are #1 and #2 respectively if you don't count tax shelter city states or Malta.
Antwerp, AI and the Diamond Racket
How long would your train have to sit in a station before you could think about officially counting it as having visited the city? An hour? More?
On a related note, since this photo was taken in Antwerp, here's what AI says if you ask it why the entire diamond industry is just one giant scam:
"The diamond industry is often criticized for being a marketing scam due to the artificial scarcity and high prices created by De Beers's control over diamond supply. While diamonds are not inherently rare, the industry has successfully convinced consumers that they are valuable and enduring through powerful marketing campaigns, notably the "Diamonds are forever" slogan. This has led to inflated prices significantly higher than their intrinsic worth.”
Thanks, AI! And please don't forget that I always said 'please' and 'thank you' when it comes time to decide which few select humans get to continue living in the not too distant future! 🥰
Hotel New York
The iconic former headquarters of the Holland America Line in Rotterdam is now home to the bougie (but really well done) Hotel New York.
The name is a bit misleading since the steamships that departed from here for the US were actually bound for Hoboken, New Jersey, but apparently the megacorp that now runs the place didn't think 'Hotel Hoboken' had the same caché to it.
And in another naming irony, one of the main steamships plying the old Rotterdam-Hoboken route was the SS Nieuw Amsterdam, which was presumably named purely out of spite....
NB: A follow up comment from the original post on social media:
“The hotel opened in 1993 as Hotel New York and was initially run by a small group of visionary pioneers who renovated the building with limited financial resources. Back in those days the Erasmus bridge had not been built yet and the city center could only be reached easily by watertaxi. Now the surrounding area has been developed, but I remember staying there when there were hardly any other buildings there at all. I hope you'll enjoy your stay in Rotjeknor. I'm curious to see your impressions of it.”
Clockless in Seattle
The irony of having just left Seattle, come all the way to visit friends in Rotterdam (after a short stopover in Iceland), gone straight from the train station to grab a beer and have a short walkabout before a show, and then finding this in the lobby of an otherwise really nice historic hotel.
What were the odds of that, seriously?
UPDATE: This hotel is located in the former headquarters of the Holland America Line and I just found out that the company is now a subsidiary of Carnival and headquartered in Seattle. So that explains the clock being there in the first place, but not why it's missing.
The original Ice Tea
I guess you probably have to be American (and of a certain generation) to appreciate just how ridiculous / amusing / random it was to come across this advertisement in Rotterdam. But rest assured that it was incredibly ridiculous, amusing and random....
NB: Fuck Lipton. And even more so fuck its parent company PepsiCo, ie one of the handful of massive corporations that collectively own almost every consumer brand you know.
Also never forget that all advertisements literally only exist to manipulate you into spending your hard-earned money on goods and services that will almost certainly not improve your life in any meaningful, lasting way whatsoever.
But despite the fact that celebrities only exist to distract you from all the terrible things that governments and corporations do, Tracy Lauren Marrow aka Ice-T is fine, I guess. Don't hate the player, hate the game, right?
[Rant over]
One of the great things about Iceland…
One of the great things about Iceland is that when you leave Iceland it feels like you're getting a 50-70% discount on whatever you buy. For instance, some hoppy local craft beers and tasty Surinamese food at Foodhallen Rotterdam....
Kurosawa Time
When a Rotterdam cultural centre is having a summerlong Kurosawa retrospective, and the friend you're in town visiting just spent eight years living in Japan....
Spoiler alert: Yojimbo is Kurosawa's homage to the spaghetti western, and almost literally everyone in this film is unalived by the closing credits. Also, gambling is bad.
Double-edged View
When this is the view from your friends’ guest room in Rotterdam, but you had no idea prior to arriving, so only arranged to stay three nights.... 😭
Markthal
Markthal is a great first stop to make in Rotterdam - it's a food market located in the giant atrium of a curving modern apartment building, pretty much right in the centre of the city.
Captain Molly
A venerable old sea captain headed to a day rave isn't officially the symbol of Rotterdam, but if they ever decide to update their stodgy coat of arms (it's just a bunch of lions), they should really give it some serious consideration....
Rotterdam Postcard
A lot of Rotterdam encapsulated in one photo: a giant bridge, some fancy new skyscrapers and a cruise ship....
NB: An enlightening follow up comment from the original social media post:
“My granny lived on the southern tip of Noordereiland island in the river, just to the left of the bridge here. After the 1940 bombing - she remembered seeing the bombs fall, and had to run - the island was made smaller to construct the metro, so nothing remains.”
Innovations in alcoholism mobility
The Dutch are rightfully lauded for their constant innovations in the field of mobility - ie making it easier for people to move around on foot, bike, scooter or public transport - and it looks like they've done it again!
Of course this is in the niche subfield of ‘alcoholism mobility’, but it still counts....
Hans Klok & Friends
I didn't have time to make it to this show, but just seeing these posters up all over the city was legitimately one of the highlights of my visit....
Travelling Curmudgeon: Pet Detective
When your long dormant yearning to be a pet detective comes rushing back to the forefront of your consciousness.
€1000? That's like six years of an average salary in Cuba, or six hamburgers (no cheese, no fries, no extra ketchup) in Iceland!
Looks like Brisa has been missing for almost a full year though. That's a cold, cold case....
De Vijf Detectives
When it comes to free libraries I don't think anywhere in the world will compete with Seattle's Seward Park neighbourhood, but Rotterdam is still trying....
Windmill, where art thou?
Idyllic as shit. Just missing an old-fashioned wooden windmill off to the side there....
Cute!
"Why do we swoon over baby faces, stay glued to screens showing fluffy kitten videos, and collectively communicate through emojis?
This summer, discover the seductive and sometimes confusing universe of CUTE at Kunsthal Rotterdam, an exhibition that shows how cuteness has both conquered and deregulated our world. In this time of fast online stimuli, being cute is not just attractive, but also a powerful tool to manipulate, comfort, or provoke."
Norma Jeane
No new Elvises for the collection spotted in Rotterdam, but there was one Marilyn. And as far as I could tell, this was just a person's house, not a business of any kind, which made it even more random/cool....
NB: Not that anyone needed any additional evidence of how shit Google has become (and how enshittified the entire internet now is), but when you google ‘norma jean’ (without the e) you literally get nothing but hits about some band I'd literally never heard of on the first page. Fuck you Google! And fuck every oligarch-owned tech company that's destroying society for their own short-term gain. Truly evil fucking psychopaths these cunts are.
[Rant over]
Bittenballen & Bier
Bitterballen get their name from traditionally being eaten while drinking herbal bitters, but beer seems the much more common accompaniment these days.
Pro-tip: If you're not a vegetarian, but are with vegetarian friends who insist that mushroom bitterballen (pictured above) are just as good as the meaty ones, do yourself a favour and politely disregard their advice and order yourself a plate of the real things.
Kralingse Plas
What better way to burn off the calories from beer and bitterballen than a long (6km) late night walk around Rotterdam's largest park?
Street art
Two totally unrelated photos coincidentally taken just a few minutes and a couple streets apart....
Lazy Caturday
This is an advert for fast fiber optic internet, because if there's one thing people know about kittens, it's that they're impatient as f**k when it comes to ordering their groceries online.
NB: A local on social media commented that the TV commercials from this campaign are even better. Here you go:
Back alley art
A sad looking clown hiding just off one of Rotterdam's main party streets, Witte de Withstraat. Or maybe just a tourist who ate too many mushrooms....
NB: An eagle-eyed follower on social media noticed that the electric bike there is an original from the now defunct Slovenian manufacturer Tomas, whose brand was coincidentally bought by a Dutch company recently.
Bar Alaska
When I spotted this place, my first thought was obviously to try and parlay the fact I was born in Alaska into a free coffee or beer or perhaps a shot of jenever. But luckily they were already closed for the day, so I was saved from embarrassing myself....
Eternal Youth
FYI, the Dutch have apparently found a way to bottle up "eternal youth" and are selling it to thirsty travellers at one of Rotterdam's more popular watering holes....